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Death is always a real possible consequence of substance abuse.

As I wrestled with my child’s addiction, I often would find myself on my face before God crying out and pouring my heart out like water before Him (Lamentations 2: 19).

On one of those days while praying, and overcome with such an overwhelming grief for my child,  I wept on my face before God. This passage from 2 Corinthians: 12:9 came to mind. Opening the bible I looked at the Scripture. However, after reading and rereading the words, I concluded, there was a problem with this verse.

God’s grace was not sufficient as the words stated. I did not feel this to be true from what I was experiencing. The feelings of grief were intense, almost unbearable at times. My conclusion: God’s was no where to be found. He could not be trusted, and His grace was not sufficient to see me through this heartache. After all I had cast my cares and anxieties upon Him (1 Peter 5:7), but did not feel His care for me.

I felt alone.

Had God lied to me? When, in fact, His Word teaches He can not lie? (Titus 1:2).

Where was He? His Word teaches He will not abandon me or leave me? (But I feel so abandoned God). Deut 31:8

If God was for me (Romans 8:31), how come drugs were ripping my child from this life? How come God hasn’t directed me to know how to help my child?

God’s grace would be sufficient to carry me through, no matter the outcome for my child.  Trusting God with my circumstances was difficult. Many nights were spent wrestling with the possibility of losing my child.

“But God, I thought I was trusting you.” (Seriously, I really thought I was trusting Him!).

As I lay there on my face crying I said: “Please show me…please show me how to trust you.”

God is so gentle. He spoke into my grieving heart these words: “My grace is sufficient for you.”  I responded: “But God, it doesn’t feel so sufficient.”

God whispered again in my brokenness:”My grace IS sufficient. My strength will be made perfect in your weakness.” The word “is” was emphasized as He ministered His Word to my broken heart.

God is teaching me a lot through this journey (I call it my G.E.D experience):

Grace- God’s Word says His grace is sufficient, no matter what the outcome. I pray my child would know the depth of the love of God and turn to the one true God. But what if my child never turns to God? What if my child dies? “My grace IS sufficient, My strength will be made perfect in your weakness.” I have had to learn that even if my prayers are not answered the way I want, God is still good and His grace will see me through.

Emotion- God is not defined by an emotion. Whether you or I are anxious, sad, depressed, or whatever the emotion…God still reigns supreme. The story of the cross and redemption does not change because my emotions change. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Even though my emotions may change on a whim, God does not change. He is immutable.

Dependence- God is dependable. No matter how much despair you or I feel, He can still be trusted. Why? Because His Word says He is good and trustworthy. God can not go contrary to His Word. So if His word says He is good, then you and I have to take Him at His Word. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

My prayer for you is that you would know God is dependable, trustworthy, compassionate, and abounds in grace.

Rest assured that whatever struggle you face, God’s grace is sufficient to see you through. His strength will be made perfect in your weakness.

May Christ’s power rest upon you my friend.